People in good staff relationships seldom consider the blessing they've found. Like most good things in life, we take our situation for granted. However, ask anyone in a bad staff situation and they're always aware of their circumstances. They live every day with stress and frustration
Every staff relationship affects our ministry in some way. Good relationships spur us on and help us to excel. Bad relationships drag us down and make our ministry a dreaded task.
Before you give up in frustration, consider the staff that Jesus chose to work with. At His disposal He had anyone from any time. Yet He didn't assemble a team made up of Swindoll, Graham, and Mother Teresa. He gathered an odd assembly of men, including the educated and uneducated, with faults ranging from a hot temper to greed.
If Jesus' chosen group could be used to start the New Testament church, then I believe that He can do something with the staff assembled in your church. Remember, God has called you all together at that church, at this time, and God makes no mistakes.
Too many people give up in bad situations and resign themselves to being stuck with tense relationships. There is hope! But before attempting change, it may be best to discover the source of your strained relationships.
Possible Reasons for Staff Conflict
Use this sample of possible areas of conflict to generate ideas and identify the source of your strained relationships. Anything that feels like a threat to your job or security has the potential to ruin relationships within a church staff. Realize that church staffs are made up of fallible people with personal issues and problems. And don't forget that this includes you and me!
Jealousy or Envy One staff member may envy the skills, talents, or education of another staff member. Some unpaid (or part-time) staff may be jealous of full-time, paid staff members.
Unresolved Conflict Past comments may have left people hurting and wounded. Inequity of hours worked can lead to strife among paid staff. Workaholics must beware of a pious attitude toward those who choose to work the hours actually required.
Greed Anyone who perceives that they make an unlivable salary may believe other staff members are overpaid.
Job Descriptions or Expectations Unwritten expectations, from staff or members of the congregation, often create extra work or stress that may leave you with little time to do the job outlined on your job description.
Different Levels of Commitment Do you take it personally when a teacher or helper doesn't show up? Are you mad that they didn't show up, or because you don't have the choice of skipping a Sunday?
Personality Conflicts Some people will just rub you the wrong way. One person may be so different from you that it drives you crazy to be around them. Another may be so much like you that you find it annoying.
Age Differences Younger staff or volunteers, with a constant flow of new ideas, may pose a threat. Older staff may appear to be stuck in a rut and unable, or unwilling, to try new things.
The Gender Gap Perceived and real inequity based on the gender of the staff members can be a huge area of frustration.
Ten Keys to Strengthening Staff Relationships
Once you've honestly evaluated troubled relationships, it's time to begin working toward improvement.
Support Your Senior Pastor Your senior pastor is the main "vision caster" for your church. Do you know his overall vision for your church? If not, ask him. Does he have a specific vision for the children's ministry? Lay your goals out next to his and see how you can work together better.
Be Loyal and Dependable Can you be trusted to accurately communicate and keep confidences? Can other staff members depend on you to complete your part of the job on time? Sometimes when you don't do your part, other staff members may end up looking foolish. Disagree in private. Express your opinions face to face, speaking up in meetings. Once a decision is made, however, you should publicly support that decision. Don't agree in private, then grumble in public.
Be Flexible Yet Consistent Don't be rigid. However, you need to be consistent enough that people know what to expect. Gauge your reactions. Don't make everything a major issue.
Be Humble When acting under the authority of a pastor or church board, accept the decisions made beyond your control. Realize there are other ministries in the church besides yours. Be willing to ask for help when you need it.
Communicate Let others know what you're doing, Planning, and dreaming. Follow up by asking what others are doing or what they'd like to do. Respect the other staff members and work out your differences quietly.
Listen to Others Valuable ideas often come from unexpected people. Be willing to take suggestions from others. Accept the fact that you don't have all the answers.
Know Your Gifts and Limitations Be honest with yourself about what you can-and cannot-do. Note the gifts and abilities of your fellow staff members. Match your expectations to their (and your) abilities.
Encourage and Appreciate Others Make time to regularly write thank you notes. Build up other staff members. Do you notice the ministry of others or do you only focus on your work?
Be Approachable and Friendly Do others feel that you care about them? Don't take yourself or your ministry too seriously.
What If These Things Don't Work?
The reality is that you may try all these suggestions and still find yourself struggling with certain staff members. You can't change your senior pastor, other staff members, board members, teachers, or parents. However, you can change YOUR attitude. Check your own motives, then schedule a time to sit down with your fellow staff members. Be honest with each other and listen to each other's responses. Ask them to join you praying Romans 15:5-7 and start pursuing a spirit of unity.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."