This article is my story-a true story. Although it is correct that "there is no guarantee" that our children will make right spiritual choices, there are many promises in God's word that provide hope for all parents who ask themselves, "What did we do wrong?" when their children make choices that carry them off the narrow way.

In the early years of our marriage, when our children were small, I remember times when someone in the church would have a teenage son or daughter who got into trouble, refused to attend church, or in other ways rebelled against their Christian upbringing. I would look at the parents with great suspicion, wondering how they had "fouled up" and would pity them mentally for being "failures" as parents.

My mindset was one of great confidence for our own family. It couldn't happen to us. Our children were fourth-generation Christians. We were at the church every time the doors were open. We were committed workers in the church. We had family devotions and prayed regularly with our children. We followed God's call to leave our secular jobs, and work full-time in children's ministry. There was just "no way" our children could stray.

Both children were baptized, went on many mission trips, participated in Bible quizzing, and were very active in many ministries in the church. Both attended Christian colleges. So our confidence was great, and we took rest in the Scripture from Proverbs 22:6 that says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Without going into personal details, let it suffice to say that there came a time when one of our children began making life choices that were very different from what he/she had been taught. Church involvement came to an end. Friends from the church youth group were dismissed as hypocrites. The Sonship of Jesus Christ was questioned. Contact with our child became rare. And all of a sudden, the devastating reality ran over us like a steamroller.

Our child was a prodigal. We were failures as parents. Our ministry was a sham. How could we minister to anyone when we couldn't even win our own children? Maybe we should quit ministry. Go back to our old jobs-the ones our college degress trained us for.

This can't happen to us! This only happens to those "loser" parents who fail to discipline their children... fail to live what they teach... fail to pray... fail to spend time with their children.

After the impact of our situation flattened us, we went through a denial/withdrawal/confusion stage. We blamed ourselves. We blamed the church. We blamed our over involvement in the church. We blamed the youth pastor. We blamed the public schools. We blamed the non-Christian friends who seemed to hold great influence over our child.

After many months of discouragement and despair, the reality of the master design of God's plan of salvation gave us peace, as we fully accepted the truth that the free will to accept or reject God's plan is exactly that. There comes a time when parents can no longer control, or even greatly influence, the decisions of a child. They can only pray, love nurture, live the example, and re-invest in every way possible into the life of their wayward child.

Finally, we were able to move beyond our despair and self-pity. We found strength in the prayer of our loved ones and ministry partners. We found help in some excellent Christian books. We found new strength in our personal relationships with God, and that gave us new energy to move forward. And today, several years later, we find great strength in our improved communication and relationship with our prodigal.

The front door is open wide. We've "left the light on." As father and mother we wait expectantly with outstretched arms, even as our Heavenly Father waits for waits for His own children to return.

Here are some pointers for being a "survivor" parent as opposed to a casualty.

1. Recognize that a grieving process is necessary and helpful.

2. Refuse to settle for a bitter, blame-someone-else attitude.

3. Realize that the end result is in God's hands, not yours.

4. Don't hold your feelings inside... find others to share your concerns.

5. Rest in the confidence that today's apparent loss only preceds the promise of tomorrow's certain victory. (Isaiah 54:13, Hebrews 6:10, Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28)

6. Put your fears aside, forge ahead, and trust God for the final result.

Visit a Christian bookstore, and you'll probably find a whole shelf of books written for parents of prodigals. I own most of them. There are two books I highly recommend for all parents of children who are making, or have made, wrong choices. They are:Loving A prodigal, by H. Norman Wright (Chariot Victor Publishing, 1999) and Why Christian Kids Leave the Faith, by Tom Bisset (Discovery House,1992).

You might ask why this article is being written anonymously. It is certainly not a matter of shame or secrecy. Out situation is well known by our family, friends, and fellow ministers. Scores of people are praying for our child. The reason this article is writte anonymously is that I do not want to make my disclosure of private family relationships public knowledge to the point where it could be a barrier or stumbling block to the return of our loved one.

Daily claim Romans 8:28, "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose,"confident that God is faithful.